BrainSex – Why we fall in Love

Hot shadow

I am tormented by a Love i can not have and the Love i can not give…

Is it really time to settle?…

an excerpt of an email from the father of a friend of mine….

My lovely daughter,
Your mam & I have a simple wish from you.
I’d like to hear a good news from you soon that you are
going to tie the knot with a reliable man.

You are already in mid of thirties that is, I think, a bit late.
Your mum & I would like to see our grand-child!!!
Keep it in your mind.

I wish you have a great time with your friends there.
See you soon in …

lots of love,
Your dad.

Excerpt from Art of Loving, Erich Fromm on Capitalism

“The human problem of modern capitalism can be formulated in this way:

Modern capitalism needs men who co-operate smoothly and in large numbers; who want to consumer more and more; and whose tastes are standardized and can be easily influenced and anticipated. It needs men who feel free and independent, not subject to any authority or principle or conscience – yet willing to be commanded, to do what is expected of them, to fit into the social machine without friction; who can be guided without force, led without leaders, prompted without aim – except the one to make good, to be on the move, to function, to go ahead.

What is the outcome? Modern man is alienated from himself, from his fellow men, and from nature. He has been transformed into a commodity, experiences his life forces as an investment which must bring him the maximum profit obtainable under existing market conditions. Human relations are essentially those of alienated automatons, each basing his security on staying close to the herd, and not being different in thought, feeling or action. While everybody tries to be as close as possible to the rest, everybody remains utterly alone, pervaded by the deep sense of insecurity, anxiety and guilt which always results when human separateness cannot be overcome.

Our civilization offers many palliatives which help people to be consciously unaware of this aloneness: first of all the strict routine of bureaucratized, mechanical work, which helps people remain unaware of their most fundamental human desires, of longing for transcendence and unity. Inasmuch as the routine alone does not succeed in this, man overcomes his unconscious despair by the routine of amusement, the passive consumption of sounds and sights offered by the amusement industry; furthermore by the satisfaction of buying ever new things, and soon exchanging them for others.”

Question from The Art of Loving – Erich Fromm, 1955

How should a man caught in this net of routine not forget that he is a man, a unique individual, one who is given only this one chance of living, with hopes and disappointments, with sorrow and fear, with the longing for love and the dread of nothing and of separateness?

Me thinks…

I love the freedom that these last few days have given me, I love the chance to read again to read that which I want to read, I love the reality that in a few months I will be free again. I love the fear of the hardships of PMing that I have ahead to me, so much uncertainty, yet so many possibilities. I love the challenges that I have given to myself (& fear its possible negative consequences) but all in all I Love Love.

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